BLAZE INDICTED IN NBA MASCOT ESCORT RING

Everyone has epiphanies. That once in a lifetime moment when you have an idea so good you want to run home to your laptop, type up the business plan and retire within a year's time. Tom Monaghan had the Dominos epiphany. Simon Coldwell had the American Idol epiphany. Steve Jobs had the white space epiphany. And Blaze had the NBA Mascot Escort epiphany.

The idea came to him one night when he noticed a girl who was upset about not being able to go home and make sweet love to Travis Outlaw.

"I was leaving the Rose Garden near the players' entrance and this girl was in tears in the parking lot," recalled Blaze. "I asked her what the problem was and she said she was supposed to go home and do Travis but he blew her off. And right then it was like the sky opened and a bright light shone down upon me. How many groupies who can't hook up with NBA players would love to hook up with NBA mascots instead? I went home and ran the numbers. It's an expansive market!"

The first step in setting up any business is to make sure your workforce stands behind (wink) your idea. Blaze contacted every NBA mascot to gauge his level of interest. The newest members of the union, the 76ers' Hip Hop and the Washington Wizards' G. Wiz and G.Man were easy to convince because hip hop, the genre and the mascot, is all about sex and exploitation. But it took Blaze longer to convince old school mascots like Benny the Bull and the Suns Gorilla to buy into the plan.

"I'll be honest. The last thing I want to do after a game is go home and pleasure someone who was supposed to knock boots with Raja Bell," said the Suns' Gorilla. "You think Raja is a bear defensively, you should see the kind of pressure he can put on sexually. But Blaze convinced me to give it a try."

According to details of the plan uncovered by Oregon's attorney general, after each NBA home game the home team's mascot would inquire inside the locker room who was and wasn't going to have sex with groupies that night.

"It wasn't all fun and games," said Rocky the Cougar, the Denver Nuggets mascot. "When you see some of the girls that want to get with Kenyon Martin you understand real quick that this is serious business. Some of these girls had more tattoos than he does. I was taking my Cougar life in my Cougar hands."

Expert sources claim that the Orlando Magic's mascot Stuff The Magic Dragon was the most prolific fucker of all the mascots. According to first mascot accounts, Stuff set the mascott record by making love to twelve groupies in one night including one who mistook JJ Reddick for the former collegiate star by the same name. The Atlanta Hawks' Harry and Sky Hawk are said to have introduced the double team into the NBA Mascot Escort business as a result of some of the ladies Sheldon Williams met with to ease his pain of being separated from his fiance, Tennessee's Candice Parker.

While The Sacramento Kings' Slamson The Lion and the Boston Celtics' Lucky the Leprechaun were said to perform well in post game sessions, many of the clients complained that the Detroit Pistons' Hooper the Horse performed more like a mule and the Golden State Warriors' Thunder felt more like a soft rainstorm. In the end, it was the Toronto Raptors' The Raptor that blew the whistle on the operation.

"He was pissed because no one wanted to get naked in front of a Raptor," said Blaze. "When you're with Chris Bosh you get length. When you're with Jamario Moon you get effort. What the fuck is a Raptor? The girls weren't having it. Not with all those teeth."